let things go, asza

well, wut a bad day....
i was my besday...
but, i didnt feel gud on dat day...
ya,
thing's didnt go well...
i cant go anywhere...
then, how cud i clbr8??
never mind if i didnt have chance to clbr8...
but the saddest thing is dat,
i missed last year's besday,
well,
it juz a year,
but lots of things changed...
i cudnt turn back d time...
so, i juz can let go thing...
dat's all...
i missed everything...
missed to stay up all nite to study for a test or exam...
missed to study wif my grupmate...

wut's my direction...
i'm lost...
ya,...
i'm lost...
dat's d most important thing...

myb it's juz over.....

i cant forgive myself..... i tried to change thing but i failed..... wrong decision dat i made..... hard life i had..... i still hoping to get a miracle..... myb it juz me..... me..... easily influenced..... when i'm going to b strong..... can i accept separation??..... dun think so..... i gave up in him..... dat's it..... my life devoted to The Almighty..... my family n frens..... no more..... b patient on dem..... all i can do.....

no title

i'm juz tryin' to b nice to everyone...
no matter who...
even if dat person is my enemy...
even i hate 'dem very much...
u noe,
ppl can say wutever dey want...
wut dey think is wut dey see...
dey simply made their own judgement on everything...
sumtimes, i juz dun get it...
dey blame ppl like all those bad thing happen intentionally...
am i d one to blame??

well....
i alwez say diz to my fren...
'juz leave him, he treat u like a slave..'
then when almost d same thing happen on me...
i juz dun realised it
i thought it juz a help dat i want to offer
but it ends up dat he said d same thing...
(but it wasnt dat mean la...)
am i letting ppl to using me as their slave??
i dun think so...
i juz trying to b nice to everyone...(again)

never mind...
ppl dunnow wut happen...
even dat ppl is sumone who u thought really understands u...
tired of thinking n take care of other's heart...
meanwhile i'm hurt...
despite all those thing,
i still appreciate d existance of ppl around me...
u guys cheer up my life...
bring me a smile dat i'll remember even when i'm crying...
b my companion...
dat's all i wish for...

----------------------------

.........last birthday..........

well......tu tgn farah...
last year aku kne prank kat court volley dpn guys...
x pnh kot kne prank camtu...
siap kne g ds ag pastu...
truk gler aku kne ngan dak2 volley...
tp u guys,
tu la y aku rndu taun ni....
fara, wawa dah kat india
ape kabar kecik, maziyah n yam??
fareen kat mas ag...
tp ssh sgt nak jmpe die....
sdeyhnyer...


on d nyte of my besday,
jyi men gitar...
siap nyanyi lagu y die tulis sndri...
dgn aliah,
fareen...
best gler...


syg korg sume...
hope u guys happy no matter where u r...
remember all sweet memories...
love u guys...

empty bed

lying on my bed
in d dark
no lite at all
alone
looking for 'him' in d darkness
found 'him' nowhere
where 'he' gone to
grab my phone
dah....there's a source of lite
i cud see my bed now
well, 'he' still nowhere here

go to d call list
1st name on call list
i made a call
'his' voice heard
pergh...relief
'he's' there
owh...i got a nytemare
----------------------------------------------------------

2 hours later....

'if u really2 noe me, wut's my hobby?'
'dunnow which one...but u love reading novels, collecting bookmarks...or myb made guys cry..haha...'
'wow...i'm impressed...u cud rmember all....but d last one is wrong...'
'well, c d leg...hahaha..i'll help u collect bookmarks..we go buy new novel n help me to choose novel later when u come to mine k'
'ok...'
'ok, wuts my hobby?'
'fishing...'
'nope'
'teasing me, arent u?'
'nope...i'm serius...'
'ok...i'm d worst fren ever....'
'haha'
'then wut?'
'talking 2 u...chatting w u'
'ok...since when'
'since we both in love...'
'oh...'
'haha...u r rite...love fishing too'
'bring me when u go fishing next time'
'but u wont like it...'
'i'm not d spoiled gurl until i cant b in jungle for more than an hour'
'ok then...'
'really want to try sumthing else wif u...(even act all d things we made is diff from others)'
'really2 want to go to bkt cerakah wif u...'
'next time i guess...i'll come to urs then we go...'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

stay or moving on???

help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tired of having diz feeling...
insecure....
i have him now...
but wut will happen next year??
next month??
i tried to not taking 'us' to serius...
of coz...
i dun want it to b dat way,tho...
he's leaving...
he left...
he's not wut i want...
tired of guys...

but...
i used to have him...
used to b wif him...
used to have him all d times....
wish diz will remains....
forever...

...d chocolate run...

bought new novel
titled 'the chocolate run'
it's a story of how a bestfren changed to b a lover
mate bcame a sleeping partner
nice story

i was wif him
hang out after meet plce officer regarding my case
supposed we watched muvie or karoke
while waiting we have a look at bookstores
i was looking for a reading materials
for leisure
thought of malay novel
but nutin intresting
move to romance rack
found diz novel
show it to him
he smiled
he had d same as i in my mind
juz like us
but a bit diff
a lot i guess
once i read few chapters

then
we had lunch at chicken rice shop
i was thinking of eating 'tako'
but not jusco made
AC made
usually ate wif him at subang
missed dat moment so much

then i proposed
why dun we juz go to s alam
cancel d plan to pd
his eyebrows meet each other
'why?'
' i want to eat tako at AC'
'y dun u ask earlier..its noon already...traffic jamm n i'm quit tired..'
ya...pity him
s alam n semban is not dat near
take more than an hour to reach
then i said
'ok...juz pd'

he left me sumwhere while he get his stuff n bringing back trifle pudding to his home
while waiting, i read d novel
funny
likes d way d author write it

went to pd
looking for d best place
take a rest until 8
around 8.30 go get our besfren to go to bagan lalang
ikan bakar is d menu dat nite
dlicious
i ate 1 and half plate of rice
and d nyte ends nicely

d chocolate run again....
again....
and again....


------------------------------------------------

....with u, with him....

lots of things happened,
i'm still striving for my future...
well, nover comes to my mind,
things will turn to b like diz...
sumtimes,
i have a thought,
y shud i get str8 A's if i end up to b like diz...
no direction,
no ambitions,
i guess so...

dat's d only thing i concern about rite now...
my future...
wut i wud b in next 5 years...
can i support my family??
can i b sumbody??
am i useful?
all dat still uncertain....

i cried too much for diz...
but i noe i have many ppl at my side...
i have my mom,
my sis n my bro,
my frens,
my besfren...
my family...
thanks 2 u all...

on the other hand...
with u....
i've been appreciated...
i've been treated like a princess...
my heart alwez ur concern...
my future is certain...

and....
with him,
usually offended...
no such thing of being spoiled...
i have 2 b strong...
my future is sumthing unpredictable...

but....
with u...
i live in d cage...
tied closely...
restricted view...
small circle of frenship...

and...
with him...
i live freely...
widen my knowledge of life...
i cud try lots of things...
got lots of frens...


both of u...
sumtimes make me sick...
sumtimes make me cry...
sumtimes make me bored...

but...
both of u...
taught me lots of things...
thanks...

...life is so interesting...

almost 3 weeks i didnt wrote anytink...
miss my blog so much...
got lots of things to tell...
but it's been swallowed by my tongue..
my tears flow down my cheek...
glad dat i have sumbody by my side to wipe d tears...
lots of things happened...
sumtimes i dun even have time to laugh...
i brought myself far from crowd...
stay alone wit sumbody who i trust d most...
share everything...
d story n d tears...

suddenly,
things changed...
d person dat i know most understanding person changed...
we both under stress...
so dat we cant control d situation...
journey from S.A to Setiawangsa full wit silence...
not even a word comes from our mouths...
glad dat it doesnt last long..
when we arrived setiawangsa, everythings is fine...
things started to b like before...
we both happy again....
this is life...

like a bedtime story...
they live happily ever after...
hmmm....
have to wait n see...
dunnow yet...

.....family first.....

diz weekend, i went back to break fasting wit my big family....
everybody went back...
so hepy...
its been so long i met my cute little cousin,baby...
she becomes more naughty...
i was too tired to entertain her...
i was on the phone wit sum0ne, so i gave her d phone,
then she asked.."sape kat sana tu??"
then dat sum0ne replied.."hohohoho...hantu di sini..."
then she said..."ok,bye!!"
she return the phone back to me...
diz is she....
no matter how naughty she is...
she's so afraid of 'hantu'...
then i scolded dat sum0ne 4 making jokes on it...

even lots of pple was there,
i felt lost...
i felt alone...
i missed my family a lot...
this is first time i gathered wit my family after i got IB result...
quite disappointed...
i supposed to b at ausie rite now...
but my fate...
nobody knows...
umi said..."it's ok to stusy local..."
she's too supportive...
i love her...
so, no matter wut happen...
i'll love my family...
dat's wont change...
family first...

sahabat, teman atau kekasih??

td aku wat quiz kat facebook...
smbil tu aku pun on d phone wit sumone...
bingung jugak kepala ni kdg2...
memikirkan soal lelaki...
hahaha...(sounds cliche,isnt it??)
tp tu la dilema pmpn melayu sbnrnye...
x caye??
g kat tepi jln...
kat ats divider...
msti de kumpulan laki y duduk bertenggek kat ats divider tu...
sikit lg ble de awek lalu, msti kena usha...
kalo pmpn tu muka mcm x brape laku pun sure kena ayat jgk r...
confirm...
tp tu x la rumit sgt...
nak wat camne...
laki melayu mmg ramah tamah orgnye...
aku trime hakikat tu...
tp mslh aku ni...
unexpected...

pas sorang, sorang...
aku ni x de la jahat sgt smpai nak str8 rejek org...
tp x de la nak ckp aku melayan sume laki...
pd aku, frens are forever..
so, bek kwn dr cple2 nih...
ntah r...
serabut gak kdg2...
but diz is life kan...

at d same time, i realize dat, i'd gave my heart to sumbody...
where it'll b hard to replace...
mgkin jodoh aku je y bley replace my feelings towards him...
he's unexpected...
but, he never makes me cry...
die slalu pinjamkan bahu die ble aku sedeyh...
it started w fren...
then, love comes slowly...
aku pnh tnye kwn2 aku...
aku dgn die seswai ke x..
dorg sume t'kejut sbb dorg nmpk ktrg ni kamceng gler...
x sangke bley move to next stage...
yeah, diz is life...
u'll never expect the unexpected...
tp ntahla...
dah aku ske die...
sbb tu aku x brani nak jnji dgn sape2...
4 thun ke, 10 thn ke...
sume tu aku serahkan kat takdir...
lgpun aku b'pegang dgn prinsip...
janji manusia x bley dipercayai...(walupun x sume org mcm tu)
who knows wut will happen in future??
so, leave it to The Most Gracious..

diz Ramadhan,
aku sedar aku dah jauh terpesong...
aku sedar aku dah byk wat silap...
slalu je terfikir kat otak aku...
ade ruang kemaafan ke utk aku...
mcm mane kalo aku mati jap lg...
sempat ke aku nak bertaubat??
aku cuma mampu berdoa...

semoga Allah buka pintu hati aku utk berubah...

...heppy wit sumbody...

...love comes around goes around...
this is wut written on my shirt...
i bought d shirt coz d stain on my shirt when i was eating claypot mee wit my beloved cousin, angah!!
i dunnow why i chose diz shirt...
there's 3 loves on d shirt...
accidentally on dat time i have 3 love problems...
hehe...
shhh....diz is d secret i never tell...

lots of things happened diz last few weeks...
he comes, he goes, he comes, he disappear...
who i want actually?
only one...
him....

but he likes to 'play' wit me...

sumtimes he's too close till i couldn't find a space between us..
but another time he dont even there wit me...
we've been spending few days together..
i know who i want...

there's other story behind dat...
how suffer sumbody bcoz of love...
makes me set a new rule...
to those who willing to b wit me, u must not love me too much... coz i hate to hurt others...
a reminder to me too...
shudn't too close wit anybody...
life's more important than love...

...u cant turn back the time...

well....
easy .... forgive and forgot...
just like pc...u delete those items that no longer useful...
save items that beneficial rather than useless...
but...
life is not like that...
u cant simply just erase the errors...
but u have to keep it all ur life...

no matter what....
u have to bring it anywhere
coz this is ur life...
u cant choose what u want in future...
but u can decide the best way for u in future...

so, what's the conclusion of all these thing??
i decided to forgive coz it doesnt matter for me on what ppl think bout me...
this is me...
i know myself better than anyone else...
thanks to my bestfren...
understanding and always there when needed...

...shudnt expect more...

This is the decision I've made..so, the consequences is on me…I'm glad that at least I have this laptop to accompany me everytime I'm sad…hmm…this is the price that I have to pay for the sins I've done…

O God, The Almighty God, please forgive me and all my sins… I am the ungrateful slave and always make mistakes.. I hope that the is still a forgiveness and a guide from you so that I wont make mistakes and sins again… please, protect me and all my family members, friends, and those who loving me… please strengthen the bond between us.. Never separate us except death.. O God, The Almighty God… I hope that this time, I made a right decision.. Please show me the light to the best thing… protect me and always love me… I want to love you till the end of my life…

Relationship between guys and girl are hardly to explain.. Even you might thing there's no wrong for both sexes to be friend… but deep inside their heart, there is something hidden that only can be revealed by themselves.. They believe in love.. So they have to respect their feelings…

How does a word 'commitment' might kill many peoples??
1st- it happen when you love somebody but you don’t want to lose them one day because you afraid of giving a commitment…
2nd- the one that you love can't give the same like what you gave to them in your relationship..
3rd- waiting for a right time when your partner are willing to give a commitment to relationship..
4th- you cant control your partner behaviors especially when they are actually running away from the facts that you're leaving….

Then, one fine day…you'll find somebody who deserved you better..then, when that time comes, please never say 'no' coz that person is yours!!!

...this is true.....

haha...
there's never comes to my mind that my life would change 360 dgree rite after result published...
i've changed a lot...
i've become more stronger...more dependent, more brave...risk taker, more confident...
this is where i belong to...
the place where i put my heart into it...
this is what i really want...
never comes to my mind that i would quit engineering...
those who still dunnow this will shock...
dey'll even more shock when dey know dat im taking journalism rite now...
my passion since i'm a talkative...
i think this would be the best choice
to those who still confuse on why i changed dont think so hard bout this...
the answer is this...
life must go on...
once u fall, stand up and be tougher so dat if u fall again, it wont be hurt....


not just dat....
lots of things changed....
my environment...
but u know, thing dat i really miss is my old frens....
kmb still the best...
all those experiences that i gained in kmb wont b easily forgotten...
u guys the best...
inform me when u guys are leaving...
i'll try my best to be there to say 'gudbye'...

wHat Ab0ut NoW??

a thousands grateful to The Creator for making all things better now..
all conflicts seems to get solved...
me, my frens and all students now are hopefully to regain a new spirit for our becoming exam..
the only things that won't changed is dat...
exam is just around the corner...
53 days left frens...
come on..me myself also still in the movement of acceleration...
got many tests coming...
phy, chem also math...

the coming holiday??
shud it called holiday??sumtimes, i feel like the word 'holiday' shud b avoided...
it makes me feel free...no workload..instead, i have many things in my list for diz 'holiday'...
test by test answered shows how bad am i...

but, thanks to my frens...
now, almost everyday...i got alisya, akiey n my beloved rum8 wit me in my rum to accompany my work hard...
i hope that diz frenship lasts forever...
so happen dat sumtimes bad things occur, but as long as i have 'u' wit me...n baby pink will helps me a lot...
just plez b sumone dat is supportive..b wit me when i need u...

so guys...
ganbate!!!
may God gives us a strength to face all the circumstances...
n remember 1 thing...
u r not alone..
at least u have our Almighty Creator wit us...
smile always!!!

***dIz pOst seT to Be In MaLay***

Bosan dgn hidup??
Cuba lihat org sekeliling ko n nilai betapa beruntungnye korg compared dgn dorg…
Manusia (termasuk aku) kdg2 / slalunye lupa erti syukur…
Slalu je kte tanye "kenape mesti jd mcm ni?" / "ape y kurangnye kat aku ni?"
Sume soalan tu sbnrnye adalah soalan kte kpd Allah y tlh ciptakan kte…
Persoalannye…layakkah kte mempersoalkan sume tu kpd Pencipta kte??
Ape x cukup lg ke nikmat y tlh dikurniakan-Nya??
Knp mesti m'persoalkan sume tu…
Even smpai soal mkn pun kte mengeluh…
Bknnye mknn tu x de…
Ade dan berlebihan pulak tu…
Tp knp kte m'persoalkan "hanya nasi lemak??"
Hahaha…cuba kalo xde nasi lemak??
Nak mkn ape eh??
Knp kte mcm ni??
Sbb kte dah biasa hidup mewah, dan adakalanya lupa utk b'syukur atas nikmat Allah..
Sbb tu Rasulullah (SAW) bersabda, kemewahan itu ujian dr Allah utk hamba-Nya…
Ble tibe2 x de Rashid, kte bising…
Komplen sane, petisyen sini…
Penah x pk y tu ujian Allah utk kte sbb slame ni kte ade kemewahan tp kte x b'syukur…
Ntah2 dlu korg mkn 'ngpr' tu x bce doa, sbb tu Allah tarik balik nikmat tu…
Tp dgn cara, cdgnkan kat admin suruh wat rule x ley bli mknn dr luar…
Korang (termasuk aku) pun mengamuk la…
Tu la…x b'syukur lg…Allah dah tarik 1 nikmat…

X ckp dgn tu..skang ni sume org (year 2) busy nak capai cita2…
Aku pun x terkecuali…walaupun adakalanya hanya di atas katil berselimutkan comforter berbantalkan 'Patrick'…
Tp ade je org y mmg sejak azali de perangai pelek…
Kwn utk die ble time susah je…
Ble senang, ko bkn kwn aku lg dah…
Kwn ke camtu??
Y sahabat2 sejati kat sekeliling die sabar je…
Aku y tgk ni plak y 'panas'…
Bkn ape, sahabat2 sejati tu pun sahabat2 sejati aku jgk…
Dorg 'koyak' aku pun 'koyak' gak…
Come-on lah beb…
Hidup kte ni xlama mane pun…
Bkn stakat hubungan dgn Tuhan kte kne jaga, hbgn dgn manusia lg penting…
Ko wat slh ngan org, Allah x ampunkan dosa ko kalo org tu x ampunkan ko…
Ape ko nak jawab kat akhirat nnti??
Sedeyh aku tgk kwn2 aku b'tukar2 bestfren…sume sbb ke'selfish'an sorg bdk tu…
Adoi yai…
Sahabat2 sejati ku…sbb korg x nak b'suara, aku luahkan ke'panas'an aku kat sni…
Aku x ley nak masuk cmpur…aku kan org luar…hahahaha…

Spinning gasing….
Pusing punye pusing, kepala pun pening…
Nape eh?? Centripetal force ke??
Hahahaha…physicos plak aku nih…
Aku ni pelek ke atau nature manusia dah mmg camtu?
'men r from mars, woman r from venus'??
So what??
Nape x ley trime btape indahnya ciptaan Allah y mencipta kte ni berbeza??
Masalah sgt ke kalo pmpn suka pk masa lampau??
X gne rupenya duk discuss slame ni…
Pokok pangkalnya hati..
Kalo hati awl2 lg dah ckp nak pilih org t'tentu utk wat baik, kalo org y mmg ko dah reject utk wat baik tu sebaik nabi pun ko reject jgk…
Ape org putih ckp…'mindset…'
Ko dah rse org tu jahat, die taubat tonggang terbalik kat sejadah kat masjid pun ko x pedulik gak kan…
Hahahaha…hipokrito de agoy…
Ckp byk pun x gne…
Rpenye anggota kelas aku pun lbey krg cam manusia kat lorong midaq gak…
Wat baik dpn2 tp dlm hati ntah2 lg truk dr sumpah seranah Tuan Kirsha…
Masa x lame lg dah…
2 bulan je…
Pejam celik, pejam celik, dah exam…
Pk kan lah selagi mampu…
Jgn ble Allah dah tarik nikmat berfikir menggunakan akal, baru kte nak nyesal…

*sumbody said that gurls blogging for bitching around..ye r kot…but for me, aku just luahkan ape aku rase…simpan lame2 pun wat sakit hati je kan…sape terase tu nasiblah…aku taw aku pun de slh… n bkn aku x taw de je org kutuk aku kat blkg aku…aku mmg harsh ck8 skang ni…x tahan dah smpan perasaan…ampunkan silap aku buat y tersinggung…niat aku just nak sedarkan sesetengah org n jgk dri sendiri…

dEprResSed.......

guys.......
i really need ur help!!!

medic students especially....

i have symptoms:
i really need explanations of all these:

1) i feel sleepy even after the whole nite of sleep in my bed wit a nice dream of my 'prince charming'...
2) i kicked my rum door while in my rum there's my rum8 on phone with her 'so-called' bf...
3) i feel like eating an icecream from Walls' ice box in coop while i know there's nothing inside it...
4) i spent my whole nite wit my 'fiancee-to-b' witout talking to 'him' even a word...
5) i want to eat 100 tablets of sleeping pills so dat when my phone ringing, it will left with 100 miscalls from my 'fiancee-to-b' calls...
6) i want to change myself wit '42,42,41' boy so dat i'll impressed all my teachers...except 'tok'

the most important thing, these symptoms will only gone if i finish my.....

...Extrinsic Enemy...

hEaDinG t0 tHe pEaK....

huhuhu.....

i want it.....

i want to....

but........

i dun want to......

i hope to.......

i think that........

hahaha???

lost??

so do i....

It feels like sumthing is repeating over again...

What if one day sumbody 'voice out' his/her feeling towards u??

N u have no courage to say 'no' to it??

But at the same time a part of ur 'brain' saying 'yes' about it??

Then u live happily…

U reach the peak of ur 'product life cycle'…

But as time goes on, the graph changed to be 'inversely proportional'...

Is life unfair??

Sumbody said 'life sucks but it's fair'

I feel the same as well….

Myb coz our 'brain' has bonded together n inseparable…

How can I be certain on it??('objective knowledge'??)

But now……

Nothing's left for me to think of…

Coz 'inseparable' changed to b 'unreachable'…

It's so sudden…

A year later………

A fren of u had the same situation like what u've experienced…

The difference is that he/she is able to say 'no'…

He/she had an opportunity to not repeating the same mistake like urs…

The matter is that…

How shud u feel??

Hepy for him/her??

Or sorry to urself??

Can u actually congrats he/she for their felicity??

But at the same time u want to cry for ur regrettable decision dat u have made once…

U always said to urself…

If only I could turn back the time….

Specially dedicated to ; Hana Fareena…wish u the best on ur besday!!this is ur bestday ever…sorry for cry at this day...

sUm0nE t0 DiStrAct uR aTTenti0n @ sUmB0dY f0r u t0 h0lD 0n t0 wHen tHe Imp0rtAnt pErs0n iS n0T aR0unD???

"amboi...ck82 'die'...ck82 'die'...sejak ble ni??"

"la....ape plak...da aku x jmpe org len y btol2 pay attention..ko pun blur...bdk blkg ni wat keje len..aku tnye r die..."

"yela tu...bukan die pilihan ke2 ke??"

sp0tted!!!!!gossip girl here..ur one and only source into the scandalous life of MARA College Banting's elite...and who am i???that's a secret i never tell...u know u love me...x.o.x.o gossip girl!!!

is this the real life of me @ this only happened to peoples around me???

i always remind myself....
guys shud have 1 real destination....

and i just found new philosophy....
gurls need to flirt around to find the best guy that really loves u...

wah........i'm confused...

want to b 1 of that 'gurls'....
or stick with general statement...
'gurl cannot love more than 1 guy in a time'???

back to 1st situation....
some ppl know that i'm a broken hearted person a.k.a KOYAK rite now...
shud i let 'the feeling of belonging' away...
expand my focus??

whatever....
the most important thing is...
IB exam is just 76 days more....

f0rGivE aNd ForGet...cAn I??

this is not the 1st time...

this is 2nd time of the presentation...

never thought it happened again...

what should i do???

myb i shud forgive n forget....

but...

will i happy with dat???

will it changed evrything???

can i still feel the same way like before???

where are all the praises gone???

where are all happiness gone to???

n d most important thing...

where were u???

when i reached the bottom part of my life...

u weren't there...

when i cried...

i was looking for ur shoulder...

or at least ur words...

can u imagine how i felt???

u make me cried in front of others...

but i realised that...

i do have frens wit me...

i do have them to comfort me...

i think i will just ok...

if i have them wit me...

coz i they are truly love me...

there are here...

always...

wit me....

thank guys...

about u.........

i never thought it will ends like this...

it's so sudden...

a week ago...

i still can feel the tenderness of ur love...

but suddenly it flies nowhere i knew...

even no last word been heard...

i kept asking...

who am i actually???

for u...

in ur life???

iT jUsT a NiteMare........

feel like i just wake up from a long sleep
everything like a nitemare
last nite, with all the spirit
i tried to make the best for today's important event
but i never thought it becomes the worst
sometimes i feel like i shud stand up
once i fall it never means i will always at the bottom

i should not give up....

There's a meeting with sponsor representative diz afternoon...
i dunnow whether i should welcomed them or just ignore them...
well... they are nice actually...
thanks God that only Miss Naemah came with 2 other unknown pples...
they showed us a slides of our seniors...it encouraged us to b like them....
it makes me feel like i am one of them....
i have to do a lot of things.....
just to make sure i get the success....

the DILEMMA of me...

1st situation....
"Umi, i feel like want to go to ur houz diz weekend. can i?" i asked umi when i called her last tues.

"sure, y not. do u have any plan?" umi asked me back.

"well, picnic sounds great. i hope to go to beach to relase my tension now. i've been so stressful wit my works."my complaint to her 'bout IB basically. why not?? dr said that i'm too stress and lack of rest when i meet him last week.

"there're no more beach here honey. well, i'll bring u to tg bidara if u insist to go to beach," she sounds very serious while i was just joking 'bout the beach.

2nd situation....
"mak, rase nak g melaka la hujung minggu ni." this time i have a short conversation with my biological mom (my only mom n dad now).

"nak watpe?" she asked me back.

"saje..umi ckp nak bwk jln2. nak release tension la.. asik study je..nak rehat plak.."

at the back, i heard my brother's voice "Long, aku nak hp..."

shoot...now i have to choose either one.. going to malacca or my mom's houz...i'm in dilemma..i promised my brother to going back asap to return his phone that i borrowed coz my phone was broke down last sem break. but now i got my phone back.. so i have to return his phone back...
should i just cancel my plan to malacca right away or just looking for another reason to delay the return.. two days went out with no decision.. at Thurs nite, i ended up by saying that i'll going to both places. dont have to choose... but i shorten my visit to malacca..no more prob rite??
i got my time with my adopt parents (once) and my own family...my weekend bring me a big smile then...

I miSS my LasT Time...

i Love Mango...
i Love orange colour as well...
it never change....it will be THE SAME...

i missed my past...
sometimes, i felt like i'm not belong here...
this isn't MY PLACE...
this isn't MY WORLD...
but no matter how much i REGRETTING on being here, it won't change anything...

what should I DO now??
thinking of past will never help...
it just make things even worse...
think of something that might be changed the whole story... THE STORY OF ME...
for the next few years,
i want my life completely different from what i've get through now...
there's nothing that can change my future EXCEPT ME, MYSELF AND I....