empty bed

lying on my bed
in d dark
no lite at all
alone
looking for 'him' in d darkness
found 'him' nowhere
where 'he' gone to
grab my phone
dah....there's a source of lite
i cud see my bed now
well, 'he' still nowhere here

go to d call list
1st name on call list
i made a call
'his' voice heard
pergh...relief
'he's' there
owh...i got a nytemare
----------------------------------------------------------

2 hours later....

'if u really2 noe me, wut's my hobby?'
'dunnow which one...but u love reading novels, collecting bookmarks...or myb made guys cry..haha...'
'wow...i'm impressed...u cud rmember all....but d last one is wrong...'
'well, c d leg...hahaha..i'll help u collect bookmarks..we go buy new novel n help me to choose novel later when u come to mine k'
'ok...'
'ok, wuts my hobby?'
'fishing...'
'nope'
'teasing me, arent u?'
'nope...i'm serius...'
'ok...i'm d worst fren ever....'
'haha'
'then wut?'
'talking 2 u...chatting w u'
'ok...since when'
'since we both in love...'
'oh...'
'haha...u r rite...love fishing too'
'bring me when u go fishing next time'
'but u wont like it...'
'i'm not d spoiled gurl until i cant b in jungle for more than an hour'
'ok then...'
'really want to try sumthing else wif u...(even act all d things we made is diff from others)'
'really2 want to go to bkt cerakah wif u...'
'next time i guess...i'll come to urs then we go...'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

stay or moving on???

help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tired of having diz feeling...
insecure....
i have him now...
but wut will happen next year??
next month??
i tried to not taking 'us' to serius...
of coz...
i dun want it to b dat way,tho...
he's leaving...
he left...
he's not wut i want...
tired of guys...

but...
i used to have him...
used to b wif him...
used to have him all d times....
wish diz will remains....
forever...

...d chocolate run...

bought new novel
titled 'the chocolate run'
it's a story of how a bestfren changed to b a lover
mate bcame a sleeping partner
nice story

i was wif him
hang out after meet plce officer regarding my case
supposed we watched muvie or karoke
while waiting we have a look at bookstores
i was looking for a reading materials
for leisure
thought of malay novel
but nutin intresting
move to romance rack
found diz novel
show it to him
he smiled
he had d same as i in my mind
juz like us
but a bit diff
a lot i guess
once i read few chapters

then
we had lunch at chicken rice shop
i was thinking of eating 'tako'
but not jusco made
AC made
usually ate wif him at subang
missed dat moment so much

then i proposed
why dun we juz go to s alam
cancel d plan to pd
his eyebrows meet each other
'why?'
' i want to eat tako at AC'
'y dun u ask earlier..its noon already...traffic jamm n i'm quit tired..'
ya...pity him
s alam n semban is not dat near
take more than an hour to reach
then i said
'ok...juz pd'

he left me sumwhere while he get his stuff n bringing back trifle pudding to his home
while waiting, i read d novel
funny
likes d way d author write it

went to pd
looking for d best place
take a rest until 8
around 8.30 go get our besfren to go to bagan lalang
ikan bakar is d menu dat nite
dlicious
i ate 1 and half plate of rice
and d nyte ends nicely

d chocolate run again....
again....
and again....


------------------------------------------------

....with u, with him....

lots of things happened,
i'm still striving for my future...
well, nover comes to my mind,
things will turn to b like diz...
sumtimes,
i have a thought,
y shud i get str8 A's if i end up to b like diz...
no direction,
no ambitions,
i guess so...

dat's d only thing i concern about rite now...
my future...
wut i wud b in next 5 years...
can i support my family??
can i b sumbody??
am i useful?
all dat still uncertain....

i cried too much for diz...
but i noe i have many ppl at my side...
i have my mom,
my sis n my bro,
my frens,
my besfren...
my family...
thanks 2 u all...

on the other hand...
with u....
i've been appreciated...
i've been treated like a princess...
my heart alwez ur concern...
my future is certain...

and....
with him,
usually offended...
no such thing of being spoiled...
i have 2 b strong...
my future is sumthing unpredictable...

but....
with u...
i live in d cage...
tied closely...
restricted view...
small circle of frenship...

and...
with him...
i live freely...
widen my knowledge of life...
i cud try lots of things...
got lots of frens...


both of u...
sumtimes make me sick...
sumtimes make me cry...
sumtimes make me bored...

but...
both of u...
taught me lots of things...
thanks...